Pick Up Your Tiny Burden

by Billy Pettinger

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about

Demos, rarities, outtakes etc

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released December 12, 2016

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about

Billy Pettinger Alabama

Song maker from Canada now in Alabama. Albums with Frank Turner and Jamie Candiloro (Ryan Adams). Shameless name dropper.

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Track Name: The Blood on the Steps
We were just kids
When it all started happening
Caught in the tempest
Abandoned and reckless
and family
And then I learned how to sleep
Falling fast in your arms
The screams getting duller, their ammunition
Disarmed

I can't believe you could understand
The concept of killing a losing hand
Clenching to dreams I would dare to forget
The blood in my hair and the blood on the steps
The Blood in my hair and the blood on the steps
Blood in my hair and there was nothing left

We are just kids
And this is really happening
Alone, unprotected, ignored and defenseless
and family
And then I learned how to breathe
Erase the scars from my arms
Calm and collected, I woke up and turned off the car

I can't believe you could understand
The concept of killing a losing hand
Clenching to dreams I would dare to forget
The blood in my hair and the blood on the steps
The Blood in my hair and the blood on the steps
Blood in my hair and there was nothing left

Hold on so I can let go
For once an anchor in this undertow
Pull me in so I don't wash away
In the current of these memories

I can't believe you could understand
The concept of killing a losing hand
Clenching to dreams I would dare to forget
The blood in my hair and the blood on the steps
The Blood in my hair and the blood on the steps
Blood in my hair and there was nothing left
Track Name: When the Lights Go Out
I could add it up, I could write it all down
In the middle of the night when the lights went out
I could take a guess, I could pull right out of this
I could be accountable for all that I missed

South of Carolina I stood out in the rain
Trying to find the words, trying to explain
When I look at you, I don't feel the same
Here we go, here we go, here we go again

It wasn't nothing you were doing
I just gotta keep moving
it wasn't nothing you were saying
I just ain't no good at staying

East of Tennessee I was just about done
Trapped being the wheel and with nowhere to run
Ten hours of redemption could have saved anyone
But I'm right here beside you, and I don't even get one

It wasn't nothing you were doing
I just gotta keep moving
it wasn't nothing you were saying
I just ain't no good at staying

I could add it up
I could write it down
But I don't know when the lights went out

It wasn't nothing you were doing
I just gotta keep moving
it wasn't nothing you were saying
I just ain't no good at staying
It wasn't nothing you were doing
I just gotta keep moving
it wasn't nothing you were saying
I just ain't no good at staying
Track Name: Enough
I was a bad kid
I was a punk
And as you can imagine
I didn't amount to much
Well this is what happens
In the ghetto and such
And it isn't that tragic
Okay maybe a touch

I used to stand on the corner with pockets of drugs
All my best friends were the kids who couldnt get enough
Yeah they could never get enough
Yeah, I could never get enough

I walked out the front door
So I guess it's my fault
I was just sick of the cop cars
Getting calls for assault
But when you're a write-off
You get blamed by default
They stick you in a halfway house full of thieves and pimps
And fill you full of lithium salts

You know I used to stand on the corner with pockets of drugs
All my best friends were the kids who couldnt get enough
Yeah they could never get enough
Yeah I could never get enough
Yeah I can never get enough

When you grow up like that you learn you gotta learn to make it back
Cause every morning when you leave the house
You get a one way ticket out
And you know you gotta learn to make it back
And nobody's gonna bring you home
Nobody's gonna bring you back
Nobody's gonna bring you home

I used to stand on the corner with all kinds of drugs
All my best friends were the kids who couldnt get enough
Yeah they could never get enough
Yeah they could never get enough
Yeah I can never get enough
Yeah I can never get enough
I can never get enough
Track Name: I'm Ok, You're Ok
I was going to right it, write it down and then get out
You were not the one
You were never the one
The downbeat
The downstream
Splitting
Splitting at the seams

I was going to add it
Add it up when you showed up
Haven't you had enough
You were out there collapsing
Thank you for asking
This isn't happening
This isn't happening

But I'm ok
Yeah, I'm ok
I just need to get away
Yeah, I'm ok
I am
How was your day?
Are you happier now?
Do the clouds slip away when you start stepping out?
I don't know what youre talking about

I was up in hiding
Thank you for writing
Stars, stars, stars are colliding
Out there in space
Folding themselves away
Do you need me today
Do you need me today

But I'm ok
Yeah, I'm ok
I just need to get away
Yeah, I'm ok
I was
How was your day?
Are you happier now?
Do the clouds slip away when you start stepping out?
I don't know what youre talking about

How was your day?
Are you happier now?
Do the clouds slip away when you start stepping out?
I don't know what youre talking about
I don't know what youre talking about
Track Name: Can You Call Me Again Tonight
Sometimes I don't want to be where I am, so I'll fall in love
It's the best way to get out of town and stop all the things that I've been thinking of

I know that you don't want to admit it but I know you've seen a couple things before
It isn't that I wanted to quit
it's just that I wanted something, and you weren't it

Sometimes I don't want to follow you down
But sometimes I don't want to go alone
Itfeels just like the best part's gone
Cause you don't talk, you don't call and you're never home

I have seen a couple things before
And I know the sound of someone giving up
I think I shouldn't say anymore
This is all I am and it ain't ever enough
This is all I am and it ain't ever enough

Are you out there waiting
For someone with something worth saying?
Can you call me again tonight?

Sometimes I don't want to wake up alone
But sometimes, people they just talk too loud
Do you ever fall asleep with your phone
Just in case someone calls to ask you out?

I've seen a couple things before
And I know the sound of someone giving up
I think I couldn't take anymore
This is all I am and it ain't ever enough
This is all I am and it ain't ever enough

Are you out there waiting
For someone with something worth saying?
Can you call me again tonight?
Track Name: Close Your Eyes
Somewhere in the highlight reel
Backed up against the wall
Every time the sun comes up
The day breaks the tape and you call it off
You could learn a lot out here
As the stars collide
Everything will disappear and I'll kind of wish that I had stayed inside

Close your eyes
I don't want to sleep alone tonight
Take my hand
Tell me everything you said that night again
Can it never end

Something in the circumstance
I know I began to change
Maybe you were worth the chance
Or maybe I just should have stayed the same
And now it doesn't make a difference
And the damage is done
Hey I could have been anything
Hey, you could have been The one

Close your eyes
I don't want to fall asleep alone tonight
Take my hand
Tell me everything you said that night again
Can it never end

Close your eyes
I don't want to fall asleep alone tonight
Take my hand
Tell me everything you said that night again
Can it never end
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
I don't want to fall asleep alone tonight
Close your eyes
Track Name: That's My Wife (She's Gone)
We met by accident out in the gutter
A New York minute
A dirty black summer
no time to think
No time to recover
(Oh just drive)
Get in the car now, before we go under
The lower east side might start to wonder
I've got a habit and it's got my number

That's my wife
And she's gone
Her picture stays on the wall
That's my wife, and she's gone
She's gone

Smackheads on lemon drops under the covers
She was my sanctity, she was my lover
I kick the habit, I'm thinking of her
(Oh just drive)
Blisters and meltdowns and airports and thunder
Blitzed out amazement and dillated wonder
I climbed to the bottom
I learned to try again from her

That's my wife
And she's gone
Her picture stays on the wall
That's my wife, and she's gone
She's gone

Baby come
Don't come back
Don't come back
Baby, come
Don't come back
Don't come back

That's my wife
And she's gone
Her picture stays on the wall
That's my wife, and she's gone
She's gone
Track Name: Falling
I was waiting for the backlash
Flashback to the trenches
I thought that you knew that!
Everything is just a repeat/release
I lost the message in delivery

I remember letting go
I remember falling
Can somebody get me home?
There's somebody calling

I was again on the tarmac
Throwback to the places I don't want to go back
Contemplating just leaving, perceiving the distance expended to find out the meaning

I remember letting go
I remember falling
Can somebody get me home?
There's somebody calling
I remember letting go
I remember falling
Can somebody get me home...
There's somebody calling

*shredshredshredshredshred*

I remember letting go
I remember falling
Falling
I remember letting go
I remember falling
Can somebody get me home
There's somebody calling
I remember letting go
I remember falling
Can somebody get me home
There's somebody calling
Track Name: Wake Up Alone
I keep writing you letters
That I ain't never gonna send
You keep saying you're better
So much better than back then
And I wait up all night
But you never call
Even if you're right, boy
I'm still taking off

I keep taking the subway
The wrong way into town
I just don't want to see you
But I gotta get out of this house
You're everywhere I turn
In everything I own
And you're so far gone now
But can you please come home

Tell me it was in my mind
And I didn't fall asleep last night
When you never got to take me home
And I didn't wake up alone

I'm still looking for answers
In the cracks in the city streets
I'm still waiting for someone
Who isn't waiting for me
And I could walk all day
Just trying to forget
The way you looked away
The way there's nothing left

Tell me it was in my mind
And i didn't fall asleep last night
When you never got to take me home
And I didn't wake up alone
And I didn't wake up alone
Track Name: Camdentown
I keep on wondering when it's gonna happen
I keep on waiting for things to change
Then the lights go out, and I'm back on the street again
I keep on adding up the accidentals
And possessions out of state
Sometimes I want to get them
Sometimes I want to give them away

Maybe I will make a bunch of money and you will move to Canada
Maybe I will always be running
Well I don't know
I can't think right now

I've been stumbling around London
Halfway on a whim
Half to try and get somewhere that I ain't never been
But now the party's over
And the cops have all been called
And I kind of feel like I was never here at all

Maybe I will make a bunch of money and you will move to Canada
Maybe I will always be running
And I don't know
I can't think right now
I don't know
I can't think right now

Meet me in the middle, that's somewhere in Buffalo
What do I know
If even just a little, I feel like I should have known you'd never go
And now I'm starting all over again
Meet me in the middle just tell me when
Meet me in the middle just tell me when
Meet me in the middle goddammit just tell me when

Maybe I will make a bunch of money and we will move to Camdentown
Maybe I will always be running
Well I don't know
I can't think right now
Well I don't know
Cause I can't think right now
I don't know
Cause I can't think right now
Track Name: Fall In Love with Me, Please
Darling, if you're out there
Can you please come and find me?
I've been waiting for so long
Everytime I fall in love
I always wake up sorry
Cause you're here and then you're gone
And I don't know what went wrong

So darling if you're out there
Can you please come and find me?
I thought you might be at the bar
My friends are getting worried
They say I shouldn't give up
But I might not make it
I still don't know where you are

I made a shirt that said "Fall In Love With Me"
I took an ad out in the obituaries just in case you like to frequent places as sad as some of the nights I've had

Everybody's happy
And making out under streetlights
I could make careers of looking up
But the sky isn't falling
It's just nobody's calling and it's getting desperate
I think I have had enough

I made a sign and it said "Fall In Love With Me"
I took an ad out in the obituaries just in case you like to frequent places as sad as some of the nights I've had

You might not even exist
Hell, we might have already met, I probably broke your heart
And now I'm claiming it's just something I missed
But if you can hear me
I take it all back now
Can you send a postcard, or a carrier pigeon, and please track me down somehow
And fall in love me, please
And fall in love with me, please
Please fall in love with me

I made a sign
It said "Fall In Love With Me"
I took an ad out in the obituaries
Just in case you like to frequent places as sad
As some of the nights I've had

Please, fall in love with me.
Track Name: He Ain't Mine
Well he like a little rain
And he likes a cool breeze
And he likes a little change in them Sycamore trees
And he likes the finer things
Like a glass of red and the Rites of Spring
And I like him just fine
But he ain't mine

I work in receiving
I let them all in they just end up leaving
And I stare at the ceiling every night
And I wonder are
And are you looking up at the same old stars
I moved back to the coast so they don't seem so far
I moved back to the coast so they don't seem so far

I like the way he talks
And I like the way he moves
Yeah, I guess I like it all
But girl, he don't belong to you
And I like those Southern night, under every city light
And i like him just fine
But he ain't mine

She likes the summer days
And she likes a little peace
She likes the simple things
And the spaces in between
She likes the revelry
And the what will be is what will be
And i like her just fine but she ain't mine

I like the way he talks
And I like the way he moves
Yeah, I guess I like it all
But girl, he don't belong to you
And I like those Southern night, under every city light
And i like him just fine
But he ain't mine
Track Name: I Don't Even Live Here
I didn't know what I was thinking
The proof is in the pudding/in the punch
Cause when you asked what I was doing
i knew I wasn't ready but I still asked you if you would pick me up

Cause I'm not the one when I found it was done
Locked myself in a house for a year
And everyone knows how it goes when he goes down the road to the bar for a beer
And I'm alone and I don't even live here

Somehow I woke up in Niagara Falls
I still had a bunch of records at your house
The house that you bought with the crazy one
The one you told me who had done you wrong
But then she moved back in
And now she's gone

Cause I'm not the one when I found it was done
Locked myself in a house for a year
And everyone knows how it goes when he goes down the road to the bar for a beer
And I'm alone and I don't even live here

When you came to me and said "We should write some songs and then take this show on the road"
How was a poor girl to know that you were just trying to get me in bed
Now I'm writing on my own again

Cause I'm not the one when I found it was done
Locked myself in a house for a year
And everyone knows how it goes when he goes down the road to the bar for a beer
I'm not the one when I found it was done
Locked myself in the house for a year
And everyone knows how it goes when he goes down the road to the bar for a beer
And I'm alone and I don't even live here
Track Name: Smokes, Let's Go
At any moment, it could all be over
At any moment
Everything could change
And like a gambler betting on a fixed fight
As soon as you go down
You're back again

I get the feeling everybody's crazy
The definition of insanity is waiting for the words I know you know you'd use
Let's just pretend that it was news to me

I don't know why you left
You said that you needed a cigarette
But you were packed when I got back
And the car was parked out front with a full tank of gas

I had a vision everyone exploded
There's something to be said for circumstance
Not everything that's made is really made to last
You told me this as we were holding hands
And as the snow began to fall in April
I looked for answers in the alleyways
And out the window of your apartment
And in the rooftops and the weathervanes

I don't know why you left
You said that you needed a cigarette
But you were packed when I got back
And the car was parked outside with a full tank of gas
Tell me why the car was parked out front with a full tank of gas

Yeah, I know why you left
You said that you needed a cigarette
But you were packed when I got back
And the car was parked out front with a full tank of gas
Yeah I know why you left
You said that you needed a cigarette
But you got back with your ex
And I don't even smoke but I need cigarette
I don't even smoke
And I need a cigarette
Track Name: I Wait For You
Don't bother taking me home
When the light's go out
I've had enough of it
Don't bother waking me up
This is it
I'm alright, I'm just not picking up

And I wait for you
Like you told me to
Like I wanted to
Like I wanted you

Locked in a dark lit hotel
There's a world outside
They want to know you're alive
And they're trying to get in
But I just went out
And it's all adding up

And I wait for you
Like you told me to
Like I wanted to
Like I wanted you

Roses like petals that fall from the shelf
Meet me in Memphis, I said to myself
it's a cry for help
Get me out

And I wait for you
Like you taught me to
Like I wanted to
And I wait for you
Like you taught me to
Like I wanted to
Like I wanted you
Track Name: The Way It Goes
There's a kid with a kite out my window
I guess he doesn't know
Nothing's gonna change
No matter how the wind blows
And a tiny baseball team
Hits a tiny home run
How many years will standing here in a field still be fun?

Nothing's gonna change
That's just the way it goes
The world keeps spinning around the same
No matter how the wind blows

There's a kid with this dog out my window
He's trying to learn to throw
How many years since his dad's been here
And does he even know?
How long since he made the team
And sits in his room and screams
He'll be in jail by 17

Nothing's gonna change
It's just the way it goes
The world keeps spinning around the same
No matter how the wind blows

Birds are circling from above
They're scouting all around
No one tells the smallest out who is closest to the ground
Guess he doesn't know
Oh no, there he goes
No matter how the wind blows

Nothing's going to change
It's just the way it goes
The world keeps spinning around the same
No matter how the wind blows
Track Name: I Ain't Gonna Be A Part of Breaking Her Heart Too
I had a handful of places I would follow you
I had a long, long list of things I would do
Like pack it up and start again in Kathmandu
But I ain't gonna be a part of breaking her heart too

I would have crossed the ocean and left my hometown
i would have shut out the whole world just to get you around
And I would give it up, this traveling and these hotel rooms
But I ain't gonna be a part of breaking her heart too

I would change my name, I will start over again
I'd put up with the rain and missing all my friends
There's so many things that your love could get me to do
But I ain't gonna be a part of breaking her heart too

I would have left my whole family
Moved away from the coast
I would have traded in all the things that I love the most
And it would mean giving up this heart again just for you
But I ain't gonna be a part of breaking her heart too

I would change my name, I will start over again
I'd put up with the rain and missing all my friends
There are so many things that your love could get me to do
But I ain't gonna be a part of breaking her heart too

I could pretend you love me and that this is right
And that you weren't running home to her every night
While I was trying my hardest not to fall for you
Cause I can't be a part of breaking her heart too

I would change my name, I will start over again
I would put up with the rain and missing all my friends
There are so many things that your love could get me to do
But I ain't gonna be a part of breaking her heart too
Track Name: American Cities (acoustic)
I like books where you can rip out the pages
From what I've learned, life always rearranges and lets you down
Don't let it get you down
In this world, it is worth waiting
Sometimes I think you don't know what you're saying
Get me out
Get me out of this town

These American Cities
These American streets
These American boys with their Southern charms when they talk to me
And my Canadian ways
Believing what they say
I'm gonna check my head before I ever get back again

I was up in arms
You were a write-off
Maybe you should just take the night off
I don't where it is that you go
And now I'm out of options and I'm stranded
And you've been drinking ever since we landed
Well if I'd known I would have just gone home

In these American Cities
These American streets
These American boys with their Southern charms when they talk to me
My Canadian ways
Believing what they say
I'm gonna check my head before I ever get back again

Between the James and the boarded up dreams
Of a city decidedly lost
I was split, cut, divided in two
Void of a reason and waiting for you
Void of a reason and waiting for you

These American Cities
These American streets
These American boys with their Southern charms when they talk to me
My Canadian ways
Believing what they say
I'm gonna check my head before I ever get
Gonna check my head before I ever get
Gonna check my head before I ever get back again
Track Name: Apollo (demo)
I get the feeling everybody's crazy
I don't go outside much lately
I close the shutters and I wait for something to change
I guess I've been a little bit uptight lately
Hiding out where nobody can save me
I get a coffee and I gotta give a secret name

Lately the madness
Is taking over for all the sadness
The apollo landed
Somebody planned it

I was a kid walking out your door
I can't even find my house anymore
Lived so many places and I left so many times
Sometimes I'll walk around for days on end
I'll walk across town and I'll go back
Every time I do I leave another piece behind

Lately the madness
Is taking over for all the sadness
The apollo landed
Somebody planned it
Don't even know what city I'm in
I'm calling it off before I even begin
The apollo landed
Somebody planned it

Christopher Atkinson told me I was the one
Come to think of it
They all did
I either have a really great track record or no one wants to die alone
I'm 31 and I live out of a storage facility

Lately the madness is taking over for all the sadness
The apollo landed
Somebody planned it
Track Name: Fallout (demo)
Hey
I forgot to call
I was busy lining the walls with shelves for words I should have felt
I get distracted, overwhelmed
Hey
Are we casting off
I was busy trying to make it stop
It's gone
It's over now
There's no one left to bail us out.

Underground
In the dust and the soot from the fallout
In the dust and the soot from the fallout

Hey
Are we counting down
You know, it doesn't make a difference now
Amongst the heaps and scraps, out in the wreckage, no one lasts
Are you coming back?
Cause I forgot to ask
This shelter is real, it's sealing up
Are you in or out or had enough?

Underground
In the dust and the soot from the fallout
In the dust and the soot from the fallout

Hey. I forgot to call. I was busy lining the walls with shelves for words I should have felt. I get distracted, overwhelmed. Underground. In the dust and the soot from the fallout. In the dust and the soot from the fallout
Track Name: True Romance (demo)
I woke up screaming
Is anybody out there?
The lights used to be so clear
But I can't see without you near
And as you were leaving I said get me out of here
Cause I can't sleep without you near me
I can't breathe
I can't think clearly

It could always go the other way
Not everyone will let you down
Sometimes it's bound to work out

Out in the wreckage it was a catastrophe
You out there with your heart broken
Me in bed with both eyes open
You say that you saw me and knew that it would all work out
Now I know what I've been missing
Just stop me
Just stop and listen

It could always go the other way
Not everyone will let you down
Sometimes it's bound to work out
It could always go the other way
Cause I'm out here and I'm done running
This could be
It could be something

Take me with you where you're going
And there is no way of knowing
How long I could last without you

It could always go the other way
Not everyone will let you down
Sometimes it's bound to work out
It could always go the other way
Not everyone will let you down
I'm out here and I'm done running
This could be
It could be something
I'm out here and I'm done running