I Have to Do This

by Billy Pettinger

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released February 14, 2016

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Billy Pettinger Alabama

Song maker from Canada now in Alabama. Albums with Frank Turner and Jamie Candiloro (Ryan Adams). Shameless name dropper.

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Track Name: Fallout
Hey
I forgot to call
I was busy lining the walls with shelves for words I should have felt
I get distracted, overwhelmed
Hey
Are we casting off
I was busy trying to make it stop
It's gone
It's over now
There's no one left to bail us out.

Underground
In the dust and the soot from the fallout
In the dust and the soot from the fallout

Hey
Are we counting down
You know, it doesn't make a difference now
Amongst the heaps and scraps, out in the wreckage, no one lasts
Are you coming back?
Cause I forgot to ask
This shelter is real, it's sealing up
Are you in or out or had enough?

Underground
In the dust and the soot from the fallout
In the dust and the soot from the fallout

Hey. I forgot to call. I was busy lining the walls with shelves for words I should have felt. I get distracted, overwhelmed. Underground. In the dust and the soot from the fallout. In the dust and the soot from the fallout
Track Name: Architects
These architects, they need to use their ears
The sound of the hospital, it interferes with the sweet, sweet getaway I had planned
Running through the halls and you're holding my hand

I put in a call, I put in a call
Can we call it off?
You can have it all, you can have it all
I just need some medicine, it's right down the hall
Medicine
Call it off
Medicine

And then the seasons change
I can feel it in the leaves all around this house
And how you say my name
Looking at the sky and at the broken boughs
Same flawed design until it all comes down
And then the seasons change

Turn off the gaslight I hear you say
You write your own story, baby, anyway
They're not gonna find you, nobody will come
To carry you away when the storm is done
Who is gonna find you, the storm is done
I swear I'm about to break

And then the seasons change
I can feel it in the leaves all around this house
And how you say my name
Looking at the sky and at the broken boughs
Same flawed design until it all comes down
Hold me, at least until the storm rides out
And then the seasons change

Are we just remnants, are we just passing facts?
Can you remind me
Always rebuilding, always in repair
We're always making plans, not redesigning
Something that was likely never even supposed to last
But I would pick up the pieces again, if you asked

And then the seasons change
I can feel it in the leaves all around this house
In how you say my name
Look up at the sky and at the broken boughs
Same flawed design until it all comes down
Hold me, at least until the storm rides out
And then the seasons change
Track Name: The Heat
I can't take the heat
I can't stand the cold
Swear you would be clear of here
If you had somewhere to go

The fault lines reappear
When the water's down
Say it's been a slow year
For about four years now

And when you got sick
We couldn't pay for it
The money's all gone
And now the foreman
Says that I owe him
For one too many nights off

Watch the people we grew up with
Start to settle down
And do the things you're meant to do
When you can stop from leaving town
Won't change come Monday
When the company will call
You got a four day work week now
And the night shift's laid

And when you got sick
I couldn't pay for it
The money's all gone
And when the mortgage finally forecloses
I guess we'll both be moving on

"this place use to be something" you would say
You don't say much of nothing more these days
And we just carry on this way
Track Name: Don't Be Discouraged
Don't become discouraged
This is not the end
You can find the courage
To begin again
And if you fail to notice
All you'll ever be
You already are
You can count on me

To remind you that you were always good enough
And I'll be right beside when it all becomes too much

Don't become distracted
By the static and the calm
Between the trenches and the triumph
Of your greatest storm
And if you do not know this
Could be the start of a new form
One day, if you're honest
You'll see it was there all along

And you'll remember
That the person we all saw
And we never gave up on
Was always right there all along

So don't ask if it's worth it
It's all you have to do
Just don't stop
And remember
We still believe in you
Don't become discouraged
It is not your fault
That what you love and what loves you back
Is not always how you want

So the next time
It all keeps adding up
And you can't take the pressure
And your best ain't good enough
Don't be discouraged
Track Name: A Note By the Door
In the calm and in the quiet
I get caught up in the night
When you want to go
Leave a note by the door

I don't want to know
Who it was or why
I hope that you know
Not to turn and say goodbye

Cause I can't hear the sound
Of you walking out
And I can't pick up the pieces anymore
So when you go
Leave a note by the door

In the faded light
It is tactile and alive
Room with a view
Ain't much without you

Cause I can't hear the sound
Of you walking out
And I can't pick up the pieces anymore
So when you go
Leave a note by the door

There are wolves at the window
And I am bleeding to death in here
The floodgates have failed
And there's a tear in the atmosphere

And I can't hear the sound
Of you walking out
And I can't pick up the pieces anymore
So when you go
Leave a note by the door
So when you go
Leave a note by the door
When you go
Leave a note by the door
Track Name: Bomb Threat Check List
I wake up
Just to go back to bed
I've got a sneaking suspicion
That this voice in my head
Has gotten everything wrong
And I'm all messed up
Why can't I shoot Tyler Durden in the face and watch the city blow up
You weren't even that good of bad luck

I go out
Into the city at night
Trying to find something to do
Some way to make it alright
But I end up alone
It's how it always goes
And I been too many places I can't even find my way back home

And as the part of me dies that I hoped would stay alive
I cannot look at myself in the mirror, even if I try
But I still wake up and hope that you're alright
And then I wonder whose heart you're breaking tonight

I go out
How did I get here
Where is the reset button
Can I just disappear
It wasn't supposed to be like this
Or ever happen to me
But I got nothing left to sell except myself
And besides
I ain't got nowhere to sleep

And as the part of me died
I hoped would stay alive
I could not look at myself in the mirror even if I tried
But I still wake up and hope that you're alright
And I still feel the fire in the passing
And I still want to know where you're sleeping tonight
And then the walls come down
The walls come down
The walls come down
Track Name: Our Great Escape
I could have given up a long time ago
I could have cut and run, packed it in, traded up
What was I waiting for

I have been looking out over the edge again
All of this missed potential, scattered plans, false alarms
Can you just make it end

All of my life I swear that I tried to be a good person
But it isn't working anymore
I got a new plan
We'll steal a getaway van
Til we go down in flames screaming out glory days
And when the cops have all been called I will look at you and say in all sincerity
I wouldn't want it any other way
Our great escape

I have been waiting up for the world to change
There are so many things I could say that I could save
That I could rearrange

All of my life I swear that I tried to be a good person
But it isn't working anymore
So I got a new plan
We'll steal a getaway van til we go down in flames screaming out glory days
And when the cops have all been called I will look at you and say in all sincerity
I wouldn't want it any other way
Our great escape

The sound of all the ways I have failed is all around
The weight of all I have given up still ain't enough to get me out
And even if all other ways that I can't find would have shown themselves in time
That's not a gift I could call mine

All of my life I swear that I tried to be a good person but it isn't working anymore
I got a new plan we'll steal a getaway van til we go down in flames screaming out glory days
And when the cops have all been called I will look at you and say in all sincerity
I wouldn't want it any other way
Our great escape
Track Name: Overhaul
She was a dead stop, overhauled
Couldn't ever take it, so she'd just take off
So close behind were the things she'd seen
If she tried to tell you, you would not believe

Floating like a barge down the Tennessee
It's getting even harder every time she leaves
They drain the river and she don't know why
Couldn't ever leave even if she tried

The house is falling in the river, can you hear it?
There's cracks in the ceiling, I know that you're leaving
I can feel it

I could never change your mind
Never could I change your mind

Built like a last chance out of town
Amnesty is not one to wait around
Don't gotta go but you can not stay
Absolution just a word away

The house is falling in the river, can you hear it?
There's cracks in the ceiling, I know that you're leaving
I can feel it

I could never change your mind
Never could I change your mind
I could never change your mind
Never could I change your mind
Track Name: True Romance
I woke up screaming
Is anybody out there?
The lights used to be so clear
But I can't see without you near
And as you were leaving I said get me out of here
Cause I can't sleep without you near me
I can't breathe
I can't think clearly

It could always go the other way
Not everyone will let you down
Sometimes it's bound to work out

Out in the wreckage it was a catastrophe
You out there with your heart broken
Me in bed with both eyes open
You say that you saw me and knew that it would all work out
Now I know what I've been missing
Just stop me
Just stop and listen

It could always go the other way
Not everyone will let you down
Sometimes it's bound to work out
It could always go the other way
Cause I'm out here and I'm done running
This could be
It could be something

Take me with you where you're going
And there is no way of knowing
If we'll make it on our own now
There's only way we can find out

It could always go the other way
Not everyone will let you down
Sometimes it's bound to work out
It could always go the other way
Not everyone will let you down
I'm out here and I'm done running
This could be
It could be something
I'm out here and I'm done running
Track Name: I'm Still Here
Yeah we were young
And we were weird
And I was barely here
Cause I was getting everybody wasted
In burnt out basements
With smoking mirrors
And a couple of times
I went out of my mind, again

Hey do you want to know a typical day in the life?
I get up and fall back down twice
And if you want to get a piece of the best stuff in town
You know, you gotta pay the price
And that's the difference between me
And those who get it, alright

But I'm still here
Yeah, I'm still here

I was 26 when I moved to california
Thinking "everything's about to change"
Well you know what they say
(that's right, nothing changed)
I'm still moving around
Going up and down
Playing my luck all over this town
And every once in awhile
I hope I see you around

Cause I'm still here
Yeah I'm still here
Yeah, we were young
And we were weird
And I'm still here
Track Name: I Ain't Dead
Hey somebody take me away
You know, I ain't been feeling myself these days
I've got a pocket full of problems
Rent, no check
And I can't apply for unemployment yet
Because it's been too long since I had any sort of semblance of work
And I check out the job sites
It only makes it feel worse

It only makes it feel like they were all fucking with us when we were kids
The only reason I'm alive right now is because I didn't have the same dealer that she did

It ain't livin but it ain't the end
I don't know how I ain't dead yet
It ain't livin but it ain't the end
I don't know how I ain't dead yet
I ain't dead

Hey. Is everybody ok?
You ain't been looking so well these days
And everytime I come on through you say
Legit, the next time you see me, I swear I'm gonna quit
But I can't even hear the words
I can't stand the sound
You see, I heard it all before
And the next time I saw her
They put her in the ground

And we were just kids
The only reason I'm alive right now is because I didn't have the same dealer that she did

It ain't livin but it ain't the end
I don't know how I ain't dead yet
It ain't livin but it ain't the end
I don't know how I ain't dead yet
I ain't dead
Track Name: Vs.
It's always me vs. you
Tell me everything that I gotta do
Trade in the bad days
Call 'em all throwaways
Tell me what else of myself I am supposed to erase
A sunny disposition
You know I've got a condition
And you've got some conditions

Some people write a note
Maybe I'll get it right this time
But I've got nothing left to say
All my records were delivered and filed away
You've got your arrangements
And I have missed some engagements
We're counting down to estrangement
Yeah we're just counting down

I came back with sand in my shoes
Salt in my wounds
Salt in my hair
There was always something missing there
Were we ever in love
What is the word that I was thinking of

We are always adapting
Versions of who we used to be
You just keep starting over again and again
Until everything you were is a mystery to yourself and everyone around you
I'm not here to confound you
Cause I know you're counting down

I came back with sand in my shoes
Salt in my wounds
Salt in my hair
There was always something missing there
Were we ever in love
What are the words that I was thinking of
What are the words that I was thinking of
Yeah I was really in love

I swear that it was real to me
That's why it's ripping me apart right now
Cause even after everything
We couldn't make it work somehow
And even as we fall apart
There's nothing that I could want more
All the things I'll never be
And all the things you're looking for
Track Name: Apollo
I get the feeling everybody's crazy
I don't go outside much lately
I close the shutters and I wait for something to change
I guess I've been a little bit uptight lately
Hiding out where nobody can save me
I get a coffee and I gotta give a secret name

Lately the madness
Is taking over for all the sadness
The apollo landed
Somebody planned it

I was a kid walking out your door
I can't even find my house anymore
Lived so many places and I left so many times
Sometimes I'll walk around for days on end
I'll walk across town and I'll go back
Every time I do I leave another piece behind

Lately the madness
Is taking over for all the sadness
The apollo landed
Somebody planned it
Don't even know what city I'm in
I'm calling it off before I even begin
The apollo landed
Somebody planned it

Christopher Atkinson told me I was the one
Come to think of it
They all did
I either have a really great track record or no one wants to die alone
I'm 31 and I live out of a storage facility

Lately the madness is taking over for all the sadness
The apollo landed
Somebody planned it
Track Name: The Visitor
all of my sneakers
in a trash bag
I keep my toothbrush in the glove box
all the coffee cups are stacked
I know I should recycle but I always forget

I do my makeup in the rearview
I change my jeans when no one's looking
all my belongings stacked to the ceiling
I know I should unpack 'em but I always end up leaving

my whole life is in the backseat
like a snail I carry it with me
I'm just the visitor
I'm just passing by
I'm just the visitor
I leave a piece behind wherever I go

all the spare change
in the tape deck
all the maps went out the window
with the pieces of my heart
on highway 97 where it all fell apart

my whole life fits in the backseat
like a snail I carry it with me
I'm just a visitor
I'm just passing by
I'm am a visitor
I leave a piece behind wherever I go
wherever I go
wherever I go
Track Name: So Loud
I take the train on in to town every morning
No one talks, everybody looks down
And I can feel it start to happen

No one talks in the lunchroom
Nobody talks in these halls
They don't talk down in the warehouse
Or in the boardroom
Or in their offices
Or their cubicles with their barely there walls

And I want to tell them all
I used to be
So loud
I want to tell them all
I used to be
So loud

I go and make the slowest coffee
You ever heard of
You ever thought to
Go and take a walk through a partitioned forest
No one will look up
No one will notice

And I want to tell them all
I used to be
So loud
I want to tell them all
I used to be
So loud

And we live in here
Just counting down the days
You got two down now
You're already halfway
I didn't want to come in today