I Have to Do This

by Billy Pettinger

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1.
Fallout 02:38
Hey I forgot to call I was busy lining the walls with shelves for words I should have felt I get distracted, overwhelmed Hey Are we casting off I was busy trying to make it stop It's gone It's over now There's no one left to bail us out. Underground In the dust and the soot from the fallout In the dust and the soot from the fallout Hey Are we counting down You know, it doesn't make a difference now Amongst the heaps and scraps, out in the wreckage, no one lasts Are you coming back? Cause I forgot to ask This shelter is real, it's sealing up Are you in or out or had enough? Underground In the dust and the soot from the fallout In the dust and the soot from the fallout Hey. I forgot to call. I was busy lining the walls with shelves for words I should have felt. I get distracted, overwhelmed. Underground. In the dust and the soot from the fallout. In the dust and the soot from the fallout
2.
Architects 03:56
These architects, they need to use their ears The sound of the hospital, it interferes with the sweet, sweet getaway I had planned Running through the halls and you're holding my hand I put in a call, I put in a call Can we call it off? You can have it all, you can have it all I just need some medicine, it's right down the hall Medicine Call it off Medicine And then the seasons change I can feel it in the leaves all around this house And how you say my name Looking at the sky and at the broken boughs Same flawed design until it all comes down And then the seasons change Turn off the gaslight I hear you say You write your own story, baby, anyway They're not gonna find you, nobody will come To carry you away when the storm is done Who is gonna find you, the storm is done I swear I'm about to break And then the seasons change I can feel it in the leaves all around this house And how you say my name Looking at the sky and at the broken boughs Same flawed design until it all comes down Hold me, at least until the storm rides out And then the seasons change Are we just remnants, are we just passing facts? Can you remind me Always rebuilding, always in repair We're always making plans, not redesigning Something that was likely never even supposed to last But I would pick up the pieces again, if you asked And then the seasons change I can feel it in the leaves all around this house In how you say my name Look up at the sky and at the broken boughs Same flawed design until it all comes down Hold me, at least until the storm rides out And then the seasons change
3.
The Heat 03:58
I can't take the heat I can't stand the cold Swear you would be clear of here If you had somewhere to go The fault lines reappear When the water's down Say it's been a slow year For about four years now And when you got sick We couldn't pay for it The money's all gone And now the foreman Says that I owe him For one too many nights off Watch the people we grew up with Start to settle down And do the things you're meant to do When you can stop from leaving town Won't change come Monday When the company will call You got a four day work week now And the night shift's laid And when you got sick I couldn't pay for it The money's all gone And when the mortgage finally forecloses I guess we'll both be moving on "this place use to be something" you would say You don't say much of nothing more these days And we just carry on this way
4.
Don't become discouraged This is not the end You can find the courage To begin again And if you fail to notice All you'll ever be You already are You can count on me To remind you that you were always good enough And I'll be right beside when it all becomes too much Don't become distracted By the static and the calm Between the trenches and the triumph Of your greatest storm And if you do not know this Could be the start of a new form One day, if you're honest You'll see it was there all along And you'll remember That the person we all saw And we never gave up on Was always right there all along So don't ask if it's worth it It's all you have to do Just don't stop And remember We still believe in you Don't become discouraged It is not your fault That what you love and what loves you back Is not always how you want So the next time It all keeps adding up And you can't take the pressure And your best ain't good enough Don't be discouraged
5.
In the calm and in the quiet I get caught up in the night When you want to go Leave a note by the door I don't want to know Who it was or why I hope that you know Not to turn and say goodbye Cause I can't hear the sound Of you walking out And I can't pick up the pieces anymore So when you go Leave a note by the door In the faded light It is tactile and alive Room with a view Ain't much without you Cause I can't hear the sound Of you walking out And I can't pick up the pieces anymore So when you go Leave a note by the door There are wolves at the window And I am bleeding to death in here The floodgates have failed And there's a tear in the atmosphere And I can't hear the sound Of you walking out And I can't pick up the pieces anymore So when you go Leave a note by the door So when you go Leave a note by the door When you go Leave a note by the door
6.
I wake up Just to go back to bed I've got a sneaking suspicion That this voice in my head Has gotten everything wrong And I'm all messed up Why can't I shoot Tyler Durden in the face and watch the city blow up You weren't even that good of bad luck I go out Into the city at night Trying to find something to do Some way to make it alright But I end up alone It's how it always goes And I been too many places I can't even find my way back home And as the part of me dies that I hoped would stay alive I cannot look at myself in the mirror, even if I try But I still wake up and hope that you're alright And then I wonder whose heart you're breaking tonight I go out How did I get here Where is the reset button Can I just disappear It wasn't supposed to be like this Or ever happen to me But I got nothing left to sell except myself And besides I ain't got nowhere to sleep And as the part of me died I hoped would stay alive I could not look at myself in the mirror even if I tried But I still wake up and hope that you're alright And I still feel the fire in the passing And I still want to know where you're sleeping tonight And then the walls come down The walls come down The walls come down
7.
I could have given up a long time ago I could have cut and run, packed it in, traded up What was I waiting for I have been looking out over the edge again All of this missed potential, scattered plans, false alarms Can you just make it end All of my life I swear that I tried to be a good person But it isn't working anymore I got a new plan We'll steal a getaway van Til we go down in flames screaming out glory days And when the cops have all been called I will look at you and say in all sincerity I wouldn't want it any other way Our great escape I have been waiting up for the world to change There are so many things I could say that I could save That I could rearrange All of my life I swear that I tried to be a good person But it isn't working anymore So I got a new plan We'll steal a getaway van til we go down in flames screaming out glory days And when the cops have all been called I will look at you and say in all sincerity I wouldn't want it any other way Our great escape The sound of all the ways I have failed is all around The weight of all I have given up still ain't enough to get me out And even if all other ways that I can't find would have shown themselves in time That's not a gift I could call mine All of my life I swear that I tried to be a good person but it isn't working anymore I got a new plan we'll steal a getaway van til we go down in flames screaming out glory days And when the cops have all been called I will look at you and say in all sincerity I wouldn't want it any other way Our great escape
8.
Overhaul 03:02
She was a dead stop, overhauled Couldn't ever take it, so she'd just take off So close behind were the things she'd seen If she tried to tell you, you would not believe Floating like a barge down the Tennessee It's getting even harder every time she leaves They drain the river and she don't know why Couldn't ever leave even if she tried The house is falling in the river, can you hear it? There's cracks in the ceiling, I know that you're leaving I can feel it I could never change your mind Never could I change your mind Built like a last chance out of town Amnesty is not one to wait around Don't gotta go but you can not stay Absolution just a word away The house is falling in the river, can you hear it? There's cracks in the ceiling, I know that you're leaving I can feel it I could never change your mind Never could I change your mind I could never change your mind Never could I change your mind
9.
True Romance 03:10
I woke up screaming Is anybody out there? The lights used to be so clear But I can't see without you near And as you were leaving I said get me out of here Cause I can't sleep without you near me I can't breathe I can't think clearly It could always go the other way Not everyone will let you down Sometimes it's bound to work out Out in the wreckage it was a catastrophe You out there with your heart broken Me in bed with both eyes open You say that you saw me and knew that it would all work out Now I know what I've been missing Just stop me Just stop and listen It could always go the other way Not everyone will let you down Sometimes it's bound to work out It could always go the other way Cause I'm out here and I'm done running This could be It could be something Take me with you where you're going And there is no way of knowing If we'll make it on our own now There's only way we can find out It could always go the other way Not everyone will let you down Sometimes it's bound to work out It could always go the other way Not everyone will let you down I'm out here and I'm done running This could be It could be something I'm out here and I'm done running
10.
Yeah we were young And we were weird And I was barely here Cause I was getting everybody wasted In burnt out basements With smoking mirrors And a couple of times I went out of my mind, again Hey do you want to know a typical day in the life? I get up and fall back down twice And if you want to get a piece of the best stuff in town You know, you gotta pay the price And that's the difference between me And those who get it, alright But I'm still here Yeah, I'm still here I was 26 when I moved to california Thinking "everything's about to change" Well you know what they say (that's right, nothing changed) I'm still moving around Going up and down Playing my luck all over this town And every once in awhile I hope I see you around Cause I'm still here Yeah I'm still here Yeah, we were young And we were weird And I'm still here
11.
I Ain't Dead 02:46
Hey somebody take me away You know, I ain't been feeling myself these days I've got a pocket full of problems Rent, no check And I can't apply for unemployment yet Because it's been too long since I had any sort of semblance of work And I check out the job sites It only makes it feel worse It only makes it feel like they were all fucking with us when we were kids The only reason I'm alive right now is because I didn't have the same dealer that she did It ain't livin but it ain't the end I don't know how I ain't dead yet It ain't livin but it ain't the end I don't know how I ain't dead yet I ain't dead Hey. Is everybody ok? You ain't been looking so well these days And everytime I come on through you say Legit, the next time you see me, I swear I'm gonna quit But I can't even hear the words I can't stand the sound You see, I heard it all before And the next time I saw her They put her in the ground And we were just kids The only reason I'm alive right now is because I didn't have the same dealer that she did It ain't livin but it ain't the end I don't know how I ain't dead yet It ain't livin but it ain't the end I don't know how I ain't dead yet I ain't dead
12.
Vs. 03:23
It's always me vs. you Tell me everything that I gotta do Trade in the bad days Call 'em all throwaways Tell me what else of myself I am supposed to erase A sunny disposition You know I've got a condition And you've got some conditions Some people write a note Maybe I'll get it right this time But I've got nothing left to say All my records were delivered and filed away You've got your arrangements And I have missed some engagements We're counting down to estrangement Yeah we're just counting down I came back with sand in my shoes Salt in my wounds Salt in my hair There was always something missing there Were we ever in love What is the word that I was thinking of We are always adapting Versions of who we used to be You just keep starting over again and again Until everything you were is a mystery to yourself and everyone around you I'm not here to confound you Cause I know you're counting down I came back with sand in my shoes Salt in my wounds Salt in my hair There was always something missing there Were we ever in love What are the words that I was thinking of What are the words that I was thinking of Yeah I was really in love I swear that it was real to me That's why it's ripping me apart right now Cause even after everything We couldn't make it work somehow And even as we fall apart There's nothing that I could want more All the things I'll never be And all the things you're looking for
13.
Apollo 02:24
I get the feeling everybody's crazy I don't go outside much lately I close the shutters and I wait for something to change I guess I've been a little bit uptight lately Hiding out where nobody can save me I get a coffee and I gotta give a secret name Lately the madness Is taking over for all the sadness The apollo landed Somebody planned it I was a kid walking out your door I can't even find my house anymore Lived so many places and I left so many times Sometimes I'll walk around for days on end I'll walk across town and I'll go back Every time I do I leave another piece behind Lately the madness Is taking over for all the sadness The apollo landed Somebody planned it Don't even know what city I'm in I'm calling it off before I even begin The apollo landed Somebody planned it Christopher Atkinson told me I was the one Come to think of it They all did I either have a really great track record or no one wants to die alone I'm 31 and I live out of a storage facility Lately the madness is taking over for all the sadness The apollo landed Somebody planned it
14.
The Visitor 02:52
all of my sneakers in a trash bag I keep my toothbrush in the glove box all the coffee cups are stacked I know I should recycle but I always forget I do my makeup in the rearview I change my jeans when no one's looking all my belongings stacked to the ceiling I know I should unpack 'em but I always end up leaving my whole life is in the backseat like a snail I carry it with me I'm just the visitor I'm just passing by I'm just the visitor I leave a piece behind wherever I go all the spare change in the tape deck all the maps went out the window with the pieces of my heart on highway 97 where it all fell apart my whole life fits in the backseat like a snail I carry it with me I'm just a visitor I'm just passing by I'm am a visitor I leave a piece behind wherever I go wherever I go wherever I go
15.
So Loud 03:37
I take the train on in to town every morning No one talks, everybody looks down And I can feel it start to happen No one talks in the lunchroom Nobody talks in these halls They don't talk down in the warehouse Or in the boardroom Or in their offices Or their cubicles with their barely there walls And I want to tell them all I used to be So loud I want to tell them all I used to be So loud I go and make the slowest coffee You ever heard of You ever thought to Go and take a walk through a partitioned forest No one will look up No one will notice And I want to tell them all I used to be So loud I want to tell them all I used to be So loud And we live in here Just counting down the days You got two down now You're already halfway I didn't want to come in today

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released February 14, 2016

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Billy Pettinger Alabama

Song maker from Canada now in Alabama.

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